Beyond the Binary: Redefining Eldest Daughter Syndrome

The term was popularized by Kati Morton, a marriage and family therapist, through her viral TikTok explanation. While the term is not an official mental health diagnosis, Morton's video brought widespread attention to the phenomenon, describing it as a situation where eldest daughters "bear the brunt of domestic labor more than their siblings.” The hashtag #eldestdaughtersyndrome has since gained significant traction on TikTok, accumulating 31 million views, indicating the term's growing popularity and resonance with many individuals.

While Morton's viral TikTok video brought much-needed attention to the challenges faced by eldest daughters, the rapid popularization of the term has also led to a somewhat narrow and limited understanding of the phenomenon.

The current EDS discourse often focuses on individual psychological and emotional burdens, overlooking the systemic, cultural, and interpersonal factors that shape the experiences of eldest daughters. This narrow focus can lead to a sense of isolation and misunderstanding, particularly for those whose experiences don't fit the dominant narrative.

For example, the emphasis on boundary-setting and individuation may not resonate with eldest daughters from collectivist cultures, where family ties and interdependence are highly valued. Moreover, the discourse often fails to acknowledge (binary moniker aside) the unique strengths and resilience that eldest daughters develop in navigating their complex roles and responsibilities. For instance, the lived experiences of those assigned female at birth who come to identify as non-binary or transgender, and whether or not accepted by their families, often have to contend with the perception that they are breaking an extra set of gender-based expectations. This gap in the conversation highlights the need for a more inclusive and nuanced understanding of EDS, one that considers the diverse range of gender identities and expressions and the unique challenges faced by LGBTQ+ individuals within this context.

Academic research on eldest daughters has explored various aspects of their experiences, including their roles within the family, their relationships with siblings, and their career trajectories. For example, a study by Suitor et al. (2011) found that eldest daughters often take on more caregiving responsibilities for their siblings and aging parents, which can impact their own well-being and opportunities. However, this research often focuses on Western, middle-class families, neglecting the diverse experiences of eldest daughters from different cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds.

In our opinion, the EDS definition and public discourse lacks cultural and socio-economic context, nuance around gender, and other intersectional identities.

The singular, western, and at times, absolutist conversations around Eldest Daughter Syndrome ultimately act as a deterrent to  individuals from collectivist cultures and whose experiences cut across multiple axes of marginalization: racial, ethnic, and gender minorities, especially those living in the global south.

This makes the framework and its interventions (e.g. aggressive boundary setting, voluntary estrangement) – even when merited – all but inaccessible to individuals who might need it the most.

Our exploratory research has revealed that individuals impacted by EDS, particularly those who are first-generation immigrants in the US, Canada, and UK or who are living in the global south, often face a complex dilemma. While they understand the concept of boundary-setting, the cultural values they were raised with, such as filial piety, can make disconnecting from their families an extremely difficult, even culturally inappropriate, decision. These individuals, who often serve as bridges between cultures and generations, demonstrate remarkable resilience and resourcefulness in navigating these challenges, often developing unique coping mechanisms and support systems within their communities.

Ada Love aims to bridge this gap by providing a platform that expands and elevates the conversation about EDS, making it more accessible for all who need it. Because whether on TikTok or in therapy, frameworks that can be applied inclusively -- see internal family systems, attachment theory, and others -- have been able to help millions of people around the world heal. EDS should be no different.

We believe that by addressing the multifaceted aspects of EDS, including cultural influences, intersectional identities, and strengths-based approaches, we can empower mental health practitioners to better serve their clients and contribute to a more inclusive and nuanced understanding of this complex phenomenon.

Join us in creating a space where eldest daughters from all walks of life feel seen, heard, and empowered.